duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
