I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
