How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
