....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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