is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
