Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
