btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
