I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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