I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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