The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
