If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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