i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
