How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
