So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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