Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
