thus making me awesome and them whores
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
