Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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