Don't make out with my wife yet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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