So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In America we eat man semen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
