I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
