your parents love me but you hate me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize