all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
