its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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