How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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