i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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