Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ruined the universe
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
