part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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