I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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