I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
