I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
