then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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