sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
