you didnt know i had herpes?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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