I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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