I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
nutella sex= disaster
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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