remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
