I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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