rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
