I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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