: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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