it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
