She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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