I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize