TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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