Acid is not a monday night drug
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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