It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize