So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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