im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize