So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
