HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
