Non-Jews are for practice
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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