They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
