ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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