I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
