I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
