i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize