I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
