dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
