How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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