That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
