There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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