awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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