we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
