I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
